Friday, August 23, 2013

3 Things We’d Do To Make Superman vs. Batman AWESOME

Misty D. Waters: Hey, Charissa’s peeps!

Charissa Weaks: And hello to all of you fabulous Misty followers :)

Misty: We’re co-authoring a post today, because, well, we’re awesome. AND, we got a little caught up in the Affleck business like everyone else.

Charissa: We swear we do serious things like mother our children and write fecking cool books, but today we decided to have a little fun.

Misty: Don’t lie. We have fun every day. I could totally be a good mother if it weren’t for you.

Charissa: Yeah. You totally could.

Misty: Anyway! There are 3 things we’d do to make the upcoming Man of Steel sequel AWESOME.

Charissa: And we invited a couple guests…

Misty: Everyone ready?

Charissa: Ready.

1. Imagine this: Wait for it, wait for it…We’d give Henry Cavill...DIALOGUE.

*...and the crowd gasps*

    • Misty: I’m all about watching H.C. just stand there and look pretty, but dayam.

    • Charissa: I mean I know the man can speak. I saw him in that one episode you made me watch from The Tudors. Oh wait...he was naked. Did he speak? I’m so not sure now.

    • Batman: *rolls his eyes* And this is my adversary ladies and gentlemen.

    • Superman: *stares* *blinks*

*...and all the swoony girls in the audience sigh and faint*

2. Two Words: LOVE TRIANGLE. Lois Lane investigates the recently returned (and we really hope hot) heir to Wayne Enterprises who has been missing for years. (On some mountain in Tibet with a bunch of Ninjas.) They had a thing once. Him the bad boy, her the uptight reporter who needs... (Misty: an orgasm, Charissa. Just say it.) (Charissa: I knew if I hesitated long enough you’d say it for me.) a “good story.”

 

    • Charissa: HOLY BATMAN. So she’d have to choose between a hot vigilante in a black mask and a studly alien with a side of potential husband material. What a deprived woman..
    • Misty: Husband material and a lot of Smallville corn. *roots for Batman* *glances at H.C.’s naked chest* Oh wait…

    • Batman: *Sits back in chair* *glares at Misty* If you mention another word about him being naked I’m leaving.

    • Misty: Have you seen him naked? *sighs* Delicious.

    • Batman: *Looks at Charissa* She’s taunting me now. Does she not know I’m BATMAN?

    • Superman: *folds arms and preens*

*...and all the swoony girls in the audience sigh and faint*

3. Picture this: Batman stands atop a tall building in the dark of night, hand wrapped around the neck of a burglar who killed two guards in a robbery attempt. (Misty: You forgot to add the bat-signal. There’s always a bat-signal.) (Charissa: This isn’t Gotham City, honey.) (Misty: Damn it.) Anyway...the bad guy pisses Batman off and our vigilante lets go, watching as the burglar plummets to a really messy death. Only the burglar never hits the ground. This alien guy they call Superman swoops in and stops the bad guy from becoming a permanent stain on the pavement.

 

    • Batman: How is anyone supposed to take me seriously when they know my threats end like this?

    • Misty: You aren’t crying are you? He’s crying. *whispers* I’ll keep H.C. “busy” next time. It’ll be fine.

    • Batman: *gets up* *moves chair closer to Charissa* *hold up his hand to Misty* Don’t speak to me again.

    • Charissa: *holds onto Batman’s arm* *lays head on his shoulder* I’ll be nice to you. *purrs like a kitten*

    • Superman: *blinks at Misty* *raises an eyebrow*

*...and all the swoony girls in the audience sigh and faint*

    • Charissa: *glances up* *jumps back, startled* Wait a second… That is NOT Christian Bale’s chin! *lifts Batman’s mask*  Ben Affleck?? *cringes* What?! Next you’re going to tell me Matt Damon is Robin.

    • Misty: *falls on ground laughing*

    • Batman: That’s it.  I shoulda quit after Daredevil. *gets up* *storms out*

    • Superman: … *blinks* Was that guy Batman?

*...and all the swoony girls in the audience sigh and faint*

And that is what we’d do to make Superman vs. Batman awesome.

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